Ricky: Life with Grandpa -- The Mene Story.

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  life with grandpa--the mene story.

  from Ricky - Tuesday, June 04, 2002
  accessed 47510 times

  "What Mene Berg went through was a form of torture…Maria and Peter stood by and watched it happen and approved of what was happening. They showed little more sensitivity and insight than their at times demented leader. They [The Family] must acknowledge that what David Berg did to his granddaughter was wrong, not just a mistake, but inexcusably wrong. [The Family] must atone for their treatment of her which I find to have been barbaric and cruel". 
  
  —The Judgment of Lord Justice Ward.

  Mene came to live with us when she was 11 years old. It was explained to myself, Davida and Techi that Berg felt sorry for Mene as she had a difficult childhood. We were told that since her father had died and her mother was crazy, she wasn’t getting the care she deserved. 
  
  After she arrived, things started changing for us. Because she was a few years older than I was (being the oldest), and 7 or 8 years older than Techi (the youngest in our "group"), it raised the standard considerably for us, and made it harder to keep up. 
  
  Maria and Sara were obsessed with their image and the reflection we cast on it. We not only had to be "good kids", but we had to be the best! After all, we were "Grandpa and Maria’s kids". We were supposed to be super-kids, commissioned with taking over the Family when Berg died, and leading God’s Endtime Army through the Great Tribulation! 
  
  If we were going to be able to do that, then why on earth shouldn’t they expect Techi to keep up with someone like Mene who was only 7 or 8 years older than she was, and certainly hadn’t had "as good training"? 
  
  We still were kids, and we wanted to play with our toys and just have fun, instead of worrying about watching all our actions and making a good impression on our teachers etc. 
  
  Mene didn’t seem to be interested in playing games and playing with toys. She didn’t seem to view school and "Word Time" as something to "endure", as we did. She was always held up as the example for us to follow, and we started resenting her for being smarter, more liked, and the center of attention, mainly from Berg. 
  
  After a few other pre-teen and teen girls joined our home and "Teen Training" began, just having fun and being a kid was not an option. Our days were scheduled to the minute and there were demerits to be had for even being slightly late for the next class or activity. If ever we tried to explain why we were late, we often got slapped with another demerit for "justifying ourselves". 
  
  Berg had already been fondling and sexually abusing Mene, so when these other young girls came, they, of course, had to go through the same thing. But Mene was Berg’s favorite. It seems he found his perverted, incestuous relationships with his daughters and granddaughter, and fucked-up fantasies about banging his own mother to be more exciting than anything else. 
  
  Deborah writes that a few days after her "coronation" in the early days of the Family, that Berg woke her up in the middle of the night quoting "all things" and "law of love" verses at her to try to get her to have sex with him. It seems that was his ulterior motive behind the whole crowning. Luckily, she was able to fend him off and pretend to fall asleep so he left her alone. 
  
  Her rejection of his sexual advances was not to go unpunished, however, and a few weeks later she was blasted in a long, public, traumatic session. Here’s an excerpt of what she wrote about it: 
  
  "Because I had refused my father’s desire for an incestuous relationship, I had in effect refused to accept him as God’s Prophet. The prophet did not act selfishly or for his own personal design or pleasure—it was always under the direct inspiration of the Almighty. I had rejected the counsel of the Lord. I was no longer worthy to be called Queen. 
  
  "It was, indeed, my little sister, Faithy, who was the rightful Queen—she had never rejected my father. It was revealed in front of all present, for the first time, that from her early childhood, she and my father had practiced incest. It was she who reverenced him as a true Prophet. I was rebellious and selfish—I had always rejected him. 
  
  Consequently, the newly crowned Queen Deborah lost not only her title, but figuratively her head as well. I was demoted, removed from all power and authority, ordered to be subservient to all present, and stripped of my right to the throne." 
  
  End of excerpt from Deb. 
  
  So he used to bang Faithy, tried to get it on with Deb, and then started on his granddaughter, Mene. 
  
  "Excerpt from Lord Justice Ward’s Judgment: 
  "…Berg and Maria came down to her [Mene] bedroom and whilst Maria and Sarah were talking, Berg got into her bed in their presence and fondled her. This happened on a number of occasions. She was called to his quarters. 
  
  "He was invariably impotent and they did not have sexual intercourse though he once tried to penetrate her, so there is no evidence of incest strictly defined. He did rupture her hymen with his finger. They had oral sex. That was oral sex by him on her, not so far as she could recollect by her on him. 
  
  "At one point they went through a mock celebration of marriage. Maria was fully aware of what was happening." 
  
  Even though it seems Berg preferred incestuous sex to sex with unrelated women, he couldn’t be seen to be partial. After all, "Variety is the spice of life", as he would say. He certainly practiced what he preached in that respect. 
  
  Every morning Berg would read the reports Maria would give him that came from the different Family leaders, henchmen, and tattle-tales around the world (she would censor and sanitize them first so Berg wouldn’t flip out or drink himself to death after reading anything too "negative"). He would also spend hours on the toilet smoking his cigars and reading the newspapers. Then around mid-day, he would be ready to go out on "inspection", as he called it. Gabe (a.k.a. Terry/John) would usually be the one to accompany him. 
  
  They would walk around the property and Berg would point out different things that needed to be done. Faithful Gabe would have his notebook ready to write everything down including other little "sayings" and "Grandpa jewels" that spewed like shit from the prophet’s mouth. 
  Gabe was notorious with Berg and Maria for having a poor memory, but he seems to have remembered his version of the "Grandpa Stories" quite well, and uses them on people to make them feel closer to or better about Berg when needed. 
  
  After that, Berg would take his daily swim. After he was done doing laps, Gabe would bring him one of the girls and they would have sex in the pool. 
  
  This had been going on for a long time, even before "Teen Training" started. Some of the girls had exceptionally loud orgasms, especially Sara. In fact, they were so loud, that someone hearing them for the first time would no-doubt believe that she was faking it. But because we were all used to hearing them at that insane volume for many years, the thought never crossed my mind. 
  
  I know some girls did fake it because they just weren’t turned on in the least. But they knew that if they didn’t appear to "go" as Berg liked to call it, he would keep at it until they did. He used to always boast about how much stamina he had, and how he worked on one girl once for 2 hours before she finally came. Holy Mother of God! If she had any sense at all she would have just faked it and gotten it over with a lot sooner! Berg said it was because she was "frigid", but if she wasn’t before, she most likely was after he rubbed her raw for 2 fucking hours! 
  
  I think Joy (a.k.a. Sue; Trust; Angela) holds the record for the most times to have an orgasm at one time with Berg. I think it was in the upper 20s. But nobody could even come close to beating the volume of Sara’s orgasms. 
  
  One house we lived in was right on a golf course separated by a 10 foot wall. Berg was in the pool working on Sara one afternoon, and as her orgasmic exclamations gained volume and intensity, Berg saw a little brown head pop up over the wall. It turned out that 2 golf-course workers were walking nearby, and hearing the shouts, one climbed on the other’s shoulders to look over the wall at what was happening. Berg shouted for some of the boys, and they came running out to chase them away. By the time they got out there, the workers were no where to be found. They left in such a hurry that they even dropped their shoes and shirt. Life was very cheap in the Philippines, and they probably thought they were going to be shot! 
  
  Many adults really liked that pool because the at the end of the deep-end of the pool, there was a 3 or 4 foot wide shelf about 4 feet under the water that was right against the side of the house. There was a thick glass picture window looking into the pool right onto that shelf right where the office was. So when you went into the office basement, you could walk right up to the pool picture window and see anything going on in the pool. When people stood on the shelf, their head stuck out above the water, so you only saw them from the neck down. 
  
  Often I'd walk in, and people would be fucking on the pool shelf. A crowd would be gathered around in the office, watching them. There were certain favorites, like some occasional lessie-action between Sue and Amy, or certain other couples who could put on a good show. Word would spread quickly through the house, and a crowd would gather, like on the street, when somebody yells "Fight"--except in this case, it would have been "Fuck!" 
  
  Anyway, it was Gabe’s job to put together Berg’s "sharing schedule" or "scaring schedule" as some people called it. He would notify the poor victim early in the morning, and then they would have some time to mentally prepare for the coming gross-out. 
  
  Even as young as Davida was, she was still put on Berg’s "scaring schedule". She wasn’t very happy about it, but because of her mother’s prodding, pushing, and threatening, she consented. 
  The fucker was just totally obsessed with sex! Thinking about it now, it’s almost unreal! 
  
  An interesting perspective on this subject can be found at 
  http://www.exfamily.org/articles/external/lustfulprophet.shtml 
  It’s a psycho-sexual historical study of David Berg, written by Steve Kent. I found it quite interesting. 
  
  Berg sometimes used the teen girls he had sex with to keep Maria on her toes and get her to do what he wanted. For example, he would drink himself totally plastered at night, and because Maria wanted to get some sleep and because she knew it was bad for him, she would try to ration the wine and get him to stop and go to sleep. It was a loosing battle, but night after night, year after year, she kept on fighting with him about it. 
  
  At different times during those years, Techi and I would sleep in bunk-beds or walk-in closets adjacent to Berg’s room with beds built into them. Berg liked having us there, but often he would be so loud that we would all be awake for hours listening to his drunken rantings and off-key singing. 
  
  One night when Berg was drunk, after arguing with Maria for hours about why she needed to get him some more wine, he gave her an ultimatum that unless she got it right now, he would kick her out and get one of the teen girls to be his new wife. He called Maria the "Old Church" and of course, the teen girls were the "New Church". We all figured Berg was just drunk and probably wouldn’t remember it in the morning. But on the other hand, Berg dumped one wife because she didn’t do everything he wanted, so really, what was to stop him from doing it again? 
  
  As you might guess, Maria brought him more wine that night. 
  
  Berg also came up with the bright idea that the teen girls and I should have regular sex together on a rotating schedule. Our house was built to resemble a castle, and there was a tower with winding stairs that led up to a room that was previously used by the owner to showcase jewelry. There was a big walk-in vault at the end of the room. The main room was used as an office, and the vault was made into a sex-room. 
  
  So every "nap" time, one of the teen girls and I would traipse up to the vault and have sex. Of course, I didn’t have to have my arm twisted for that, but I must say, it was a little awkward—especially since I was much younger than most of them were, and I could tell that a couple of them were uncomfortable with it. 
  
  I hoped that after some of the teen girls left, and we moved to a new compound christened the "Hilltop", that Teen Training would end, and things would be a little easier. How wrong I was! Round one of Teen Training looked like a Sunday School Picnic compared to round two, and we were miserable! 
  
  Later on, some adults joined our teen training group. They were called the "older teens", and because of their need for "retraining", were treated in much the same humiliating way as we were. One of them was named Mark/Johnny, and he was by far the smartest of all of them. I don’t remember much else about him, but I glanced at one of his OHRs once, and thought "Damn! If only I could write that well I’d have smooth sailing from now on!" 
  
  Finally, I think he had all the shit he could handle, and I remember Peter saying later that in one of his dealings with Mark, he told Peter that Berg and Maria were "full of shit". Peter said he jumped up and was about to sucker-punch him, but decided not to. Good choice, considering if he got into a fight with little Mark who’s half his size, he probably would have got his big fat ass kicked. He’s a big sucker, but a weak coward at heart. I guess that marked the end of Mark’s "retraining". 
  
  Demerits became rare, having been replaced by double-demerits. Sometimes double-double-demerits were given. It was fucking insane! You could get a double-demerit practically for looking at an adult the wrong way. "Go chalk up a double-demerit" for a host of weird shit was an often-heard and feared phrase. If we got 2 demerits in one day, we would miss afternoon snack and also miss get-out. If we got 5 demerits in one week, we would miss our Saturday night movie. Saturday night movies were one of the things that we looked forward to the way a minimum-wage-shit-job worker looks forward to the weekend. It was not a laughing matter! 
  
  Poor Techi was so much younger--only about 6 or 7--so she almost always got more than 5 demerits and missed her movies and often, snacks and get-outs as well. It almost makes me feeling like crying when I remember how much my sister had to suffer—not only during Teen Training, but later when my mother started her sick, perverted witch-hunts in the form of the "Techi Series"—and later still with her kid Trevor. 
  
  Berg would freak out if Techi would ever get physically hurt, whether it was a skinned knee, or a bump on her head etc. There were many normal games or activities that we were not allowed to do because of the fact that Techi would get a scratch and then Berg would scream at Sara. Because of that Techi often felt condemned and guilty and that we didn’t like her because of that. 
  Techi has a lot of bitterness against Sara for the things she suffered under her tyrannical hand, and rightfully so! It’s sad, though, that she doesn’t realize that Berg and Maria are the real cause of all that suffering. 
  
  During that time, Berg lived in his own little world for the most part. As long as he was able to do his little handyman jobs, rant and rave about the "Damn Blacks and Jews", abuse little girls, and not have any challenges to his authority, or hear of any thing that could be remotely construed as a "doubt", he was pretty content. 
  
  With Maria, it was a much different story. She was as involved as she could be with every little insignificant gossipy detail of life at the Hilltop. If something wasn’t going just right, Sara would get the heat for it, as she was not only our caretaker, but much of the weight of shepherding a home of 40-50 people fell on her shoulders as well. 
  
  Every day brought a new challenge! If James handyman wasn’t doing his weekly OHR; Amy and Barry were getting carried away in their relationship and having too much sex; none of the women wanted to share with so and so because he wasn’t good in bed; some girl didn’t want to have to run around in only panties because she was self-conscious about her breasts, and therefore was being "un-revolutionary"; some fool used bovine flea-powder on the cats and accidentally killed most of them, Sara was the one to have to go and work it out. 
  
  In addition to all that idiotic shit, she also had the impossible job of making sure that Techi never fell down; that we never had a cold (because that would mean the devil was punishing us or our parents for something); that we never said or did the wrong thing; that we always had the "right attitude", as well as giving us a grade-school education and trying to make us "scholars of the Word". 
  
  Sweet and loving Mama Maria wanted Sara to slap us silly and grind us into the ground if we did anything wrong. Berg was absolutely horrified if he ever heard of Techi getting spanked more than just a few little "love-pats". Berg was undisputedly the boss, but Maria really held the power, so Sara was stuck in the middle. 
  
  She became increasingly violent to where she would just loose it, and start hitting and kicking us for minor infractions. One of the rules was that during meals us kids always had to pick up the water pitchers with two hands (as well as only eat with spoons and only use half a napkin). At the end of one meal, I reached over and picked up the mostly empty pitcher with one hand. She slapped me full swing with the back of her hand which knocked the pitcher out of mine, and almost knocked me off my chair. Her hand hit my eye, which I couldn’t fully open it till the next morning. 
  Another time I "justified myself" for something. She threw me against the wall and kicked me repeatedly. 
  
  I was helping the handymen once, by painting a new gate that had just been erected. I lost track of the time and was about 20 minutes late for lunch. I came timidly into the lunch room, hoping to avoid her. I sat down as far away from her as possible, but I noticed her glaring at me. 
  After lunch, when most people were in the kitchen going through the dish line, she grabbed me and started slapping me with both hands back and forth. She threw me to the ground, and then half dragged me back to our room. 
  
  During Techi’s long hours spent writing how very sorry she was for her sins each week, while we were having "get-outs" and watching movies, she developed this habit of writing under her nails with her pencil. Sara was totally horrified when she saw it, and, screaming at Techi, threatened to "jam the pencil under her fingers" if she didn’t stop it. At first I just thought she was just bluffing to try to scare Techi into breaking the habit. After seeing the look in Sara's eyes, though, as she was screaming and yelling, I wasn't so sure. Poor Techi was in tears. 
  
  Those are only a few examples of Sara’s violent tendencies and physically abusive behavior. I don’t want to excuse Sara in any way for all the evil and perverted physical, mental, and sexual abuse she is guilty of, but it’s important to realize that for the most part, she was only doing what Berg and Maria were telling her to. By far, the worst blame for what she did has to be laid at the feet of Berg and Maria. 
  
  In my opinion, Mene was a very kind, gentle girl who really wanted to please God, and please the adults around her. She pissed us off sometimes, but not because she was mean to us—rather, because she was so nice, and too good! It seemed like she really was trying her best to keep the rules and jump through all the stupid, inane little hoops they forced us through, while we were trying our best to get out of as much as we could, and away with as much as possible. 
  However, because she was so idealistic, it wasn’t long before the glaring contradictions between what Berg’s supposed ideals were, and his actions, became too much for her to dismiss. 
  
  How her questions first surfaced was through an OHR. She wrote a small one liner at the end of an OHR that dealt primarily with other subjects, that said something like "I’m learning not to be critical", or "I’m working on not being self-righteous". Anything having to do in the least with "self-righteousness" or "doubts" or "critical thoughts" sent up immediate red flags with Maria, Peter and Sara. 
  
  After further probing, prodding, leading etc., they came up with these horrible accusations against Mene, and proceeded to torture her for the next six months. We would often see multiple, large black and purple bruises on her body as she was escorted from room to room like a scared, demoralized, little prisoner of war. Any resentment that any of us ever had against her for "raising the standard", was certainly gone. I remember thinking that no matter what she could have done, she certainly didn’t deserve that kind of treatment! I also believed that at any time, if I said the wrong thing on my OHR, I could be next! 
  
  Whenever Berg would be around, they tried to keep Mene away from him as much as possible. He would ask where she was, and they would make up something. At the times when they didn’t have any excuse to keep her away, they forced her to look her best, and like nothing was going on. 
  They also tried to keep Mene away from us, explaining that she was violent, and had visions of cutting people up with knives. Well, let me tell you, when I think of those sick, fuckin’ perverts, thoughts about edged weapons are never far from my mind either! God damn them! 
  
  Mene's account of "Life with Grandpa." Given in court in London during Pearl's case. Excerpts from the Judgment of Lord Justice Ward: 
  
  "I upset them when [I was] 13/14 [years of age] because I began to realize grandfather was a hypocrite who made rules for people which were not necessary for him. He would write one thing one day the opposite the next because God was changing. He was very contradictory. He was a chronic alcoholic. It was very confusing. When he was sick he would drink and call different women in for sexual relations or sexual comfort. It was very difficult to respect this man when he was so drunk. I now look back at his writings as the ravings of a drunk madman. 
  
  "Another thing that upset me at 14 was that I was losing my faith in the group and in the prophet - all the things I believed in. I had violent pictures and images and they said that showed I was listening to Satan. They would say that Satan and demons were attacking me. I do not know if it was my imagination but I was seeing demons. In bed I would get out terrified because I thought the spirits would attack me sexually. I would try to cover myself up. I would confess to Sara, Faithy, and others because I was afraid of Satan and wanted to be right with God and wanted the group's approval. 
  
  "They would slap me. Later they gathered the leadership together, pulled my pants down and spanked me publicly which was humiliating because these people were important to me. Six months later when my grandfather was told, he commanded them to beat me with his rod whenever I had violent thoughts or saw monsters.... Many times they would beat me, they took my head and beat it against the wall and bruised me. I was helpless and knew nothing else. It all felt like torture and once I fainted, throwing up. They said I was throwing up demons. The exorcising terrified me." 
  
  End of excerpt from Mene’s account. 
  
  Finally, they did tell Berg, when they realized that they weren’t making any "progress" with her. Berg proceeded to yell at her, slap her repeatedly, beat her with a cane, insult her mother and father, and sentence her to more beatings, restraints, psychological abuse, and utter humiliation. 
  
  Excerpts from the Judgment of Lord Justice Ward concerning Mene: 
  
  I became more and more convinced by her evidence the longer she gave it. She did not seem to me to paint the picture blacker than it was. 
  
  …I had listened aghast to her account of her exorcism and I began to think it could not possibly all be true. Much later in the case I read The Family's own account, which appeared to be a transcript of a tape recording of the events as they happened and that showed that MB had been moderate in her complaint of the indignities heaped upon her. 
  
  Because I believe her, I find that Berg and Maria came down to her bedroom and whilst Maria and Sarah were talking, Berg got into her bed in their presence and fondled her. This happened on a number of occasions. She was called to his quarters. He was invariably impotent and they did not have sexual intercourse though he once tried to penetrate her, so there is no evidence of incest strictly defined. He did rupture her hymen with his finger. They had oral sex. That was oral sex by him on her, not so far as she could recollect by her on him. At one point they went through a mock celebration of marriage. Maria was fully aware of what was happening. 
  
  …The documents produced very much later in the case confirmed her evidence - indeed satisfied me that her evidence was restrained and understated rather than exaggerated. The letters are "The Last State" and the "Dangers of Demonism" published in March and July 1987. 
  
  …[At age] 9 she joined Music with Meaning in Greece. As I have already set out, it was there that she was filmed and abused. Berg must have known it for he would have seen the videos. In the history before 1980 it is acknowledged that 'these unique circumstances (in MWM) fostered a unique liberal sexual climate as well.' Berg must have known about that as well. In the last state Sara records: 
  
  "At only 9 and 10 years old she freely watched adult videos, plus she was showered with attention by many of the men there which caused her to have an extremely high opinion of herself and this became of major importance to her." 
  
  Then, at the age of about 11 1/2 she was sent to her Grandfather's compound in the Philippines. She met him in December 1983. She was completely overwhelmed by him. He looked like the prophet of God for the End-Time which she truly believed him to be. She told me in evidence that she had 'utter respect, fear and terror, love and adoration for him and because he was my grandfather, I also had more sentimental feelings for him.' That state of veneration did not last. As the months and years went by, his feet of clay were revealed. 
  
  Who could blame the girl for lacking respect for a man so revered by others when she knew from her personal knowledge that he was foul mouthed, drank too much and sexually abused her. For this she was brutally punished. Her crime was to have yielded to Satan. That led to a time of two months when she had five major exorcisms performed over her. She was subjected to total immersion in the Word, full-time, with top leadership "reading aloud along with her to keep her mind and mouth and eyes and ears occupied and for a constant infilling of the Holy Spirit." They prayed over her, even fifty times a day. She was 14 years old! 
  
  …I regard this as vicious treatment of a vulnerable child. She was physically ill-treated; and she was emotionally ill-treated; she was put in fear; she was humiliated; her self-esteem was denigrated. Maria and Peter stood by and watched it happen and approved of what was happening. They showed little more sensitivity and insight than their at times demented leader. I cannot accept that this was, in any sense at all, a cure for the emotional problems from which the child was undoubtedly suffering. 
  
  The Traumatic Testimony letter gave The Family's diagnosis of her problem: 
  "You're going to go completely nuts. In fact they say you've already gone completely nuts, you're already insane, totally non compos mentis! Totally incapacitated and mentally not sane at all." 
  
  …Doctor Cameron, a Consultant Child Psychiatrist, gave evidence to me. He told me, and I accept, that the treatment meted out to MB was totally unacceptable. This was a child caught in the conflict between what she saw and what had happened to her, which she knew to be wrong but which she had been taught to accept as right. Disillusioned and depressed, she doubted. If, as happened to MB, a significant cause of a mental or nervous breakdown is the feeling that one is lacking in trust or faith, and the treatment prescribed is to hammer home what a worthless sinner one is, then the treatment enhances the self- doubt, and the very treatment itself becomes damaging and psychologically disabling. 
  
  I have perhaps dealt with MB at inordinate length. I do so because of the central role she plays not only in The Family's past but in its present. For The Family to gain the respectability which they now appear to seek, they must acknowledge that what David Berg did to his granddaughter was wrong, not just a mistake, but inexcusably wrong. They must atone for their treatment of her which I find to have been barbaric and cruel. 
  
  …In my judgment what MB went through was a form of torture. To describe her ordeal, as it is portrayed to The Family in the 'False Accusers in the Last Days' letter published in January 1993, as being no more than a 'stiff stern talk with a little spank and a shaking' is, I find, a travesty of the truth. 
  
  End of excerpt from Lord Justice Ward. 
  
  Maria and Peter wrote about Mene in None of These Things Move Me: 
  
  Now I want to talk about Mene for a moment. But before I do I want to say that I'm very sorry, Mene, for any and all harm and hurt you experienced when you lived in our Home or any other Home. Some years back I asked Sara to try to contact you so I could express my apology to you. The response we received was that you didn't want to have any contact with Family members. I respected your wish and didn't push the issue any further. 
  
  End of BS paragraph from M&P. 
  
  James Penn wrote about the horrible treatment of Mene. Here are excerpts from his articles: 
  
  For many reasons I found this anemic apology to be much too little and 13 years too late. To anyone with an understanding of the situation, it is irrelevant and a mockery. I'll explain. 
  
  Maria has only belatedly offered this apology because she had to. If I had never written No Regrets, Maria never would have apologized. She's not genuinely sorry; she's sorry that she was exposed and had to give some explanation to her followers, if for no other reason than to do damage control. That's often the only thing she understands; the 2 x 4 treatment. 
  
  Maria wrote, "I'm very sorry, Mene, for any and all harm and hurt you experienced when you lived in our Home or any other Home." If, as Maria says, everyone was loving and kind, then who was inflicting this harm? The usual suspects; weak and immature leaders? Why don't Maria and Peter act like real leaders and take responsibility for their actions and say, "We are truly sorry that we inflicted so much harm and hurt on you"? Why doesn't Peter say, "Mene, I'm sorry that I publicly humiliated you when you were a young teen by making you lift your skirt as I spanked you in front of two dozen Family leaders." 
  
  Maria's weak excuse for the delay in apologizing is, in the words of Eeyore (of "Winnie the Pooh"), "Paaathetic." Maria says, "I respected [Mene's] wishes." Maria is not known for respecting anyone's wishes. Did Maria respect Mene's wishes when she published hundreds of pages demonizing Mene in two long GNs, some FSMs, Traumatic Testimonies, as well as Letters written in her own hand? And as I mentioned in No Regrets, Maria was only planning to apologize for not getting medical help for Mene sooner. When Mene refused to meet with Sara, Maria was probably quite relieved. 
  
  The issue of an apology and explanation does not only concern Mene. If Mo, Maria, and Peter had "privately" abused Mene, with no mention made in Family publications, then perhaps a "private" apology would be adequate. But Mo, Maria, and Peter deliberately demonized Mene in a myriad of Family publications. 
  
  They did this for two reasons. First; to destroy her credibility in the eyes of Family Members, in case she ever decided to tell what Grandpa and Mama Maria really did to her. Second; to scare the hell out of any young people who were thinking of doubting the Wonder Working Words of the Prophet David. In the GNs The Last State and Its Up to You, Mo, Maria, and Peter were giving Family adults a blueprint; a Raise'm Right manual for how to deal with problem teenagers. Follow the Prophet's good example and your child can be saved from the Devil's grasp. 
  
  These publications spawned a wave of abuse and set the stage for the so-called Victor Camps. Who knows how many children throughout the Family were beaten, exorcised, and publicly humiliated as a direct result of these "Mene" publications? Former Family Members, who lived in Peru at the time, testify of Juan returning from Mo's house and initiating similar exorcisms and beatings. Why not? After all, Juan's "eyes had seen the glory" of Mo, Maria, and Peter's personal example. 
  
  If Maria is really sorry for publishing material about Mene, why is False Accusers in the Last Days still in circulation? Why did Maria have the nerve to put it on the suggested reading list in None of These Things Move Me? (See above.) What does this tell Mene? "We deleted your name, but the lessons are so valuable that we continue to recommend the Letter to Family Members 13 years later." Maria's not sorry, Maria is sorry that she got caught and exposed and had to make some sort of apology. 
  
  …even if Maria and Peter did give some fuller explanation and apology, it would be in vain if they did not address the sexual abuse that Mene suffered at the hands of Mo. And so far, they have refused to do so. In nearly 180,000 words of published rebuttal to No Regrets, they refused to acknowledge one of the fundamental causes of Mene's problems. Mene's supposed pride, exaltation, or demon possession are simply convenient smoke-screens that Maria and Peter use to this day in order to conceal a much deeper problem: Mo's repeated sexual abuse of Mene over a long period of time. 
  
  If they confirm the obvious, that Mo sexually abused Mene and other girls, and that yes, Maria knowingly covered it up, there would be an uproar in the Family, and many would leave. How many Family Members, especially the second generation, want to follow their fearless leader, now a friendly ghost, once they know that he regularly sexually abused children of their generation? And how many Family Members want to unquestioningly pledge allegiance to Queen Maria and King Peter and believe everything they write and prophesy, knowing that they participated in the beating and sexual abuse of Mene and others, and then lied about it to the Family and covered it up all these years? 
  
  Maria and Peter can't tell the truth, as their credibility would be destroyed, and it is on their credibility that the foundation of the present-day Family rests. Destroy that credibility and the Family, as we know it, will cease to exist. 
  
  On the other hand, Maria and Peter cannot lie and say the accusations are false, as it would be too easy to expose their lie. Too many people, both in and out of the Family, were there and witnessed these events. They know that what Mene said was true. What about the other young girls that Mo had sex with? Maybe they would speak up. 
  
  As well, to deny the accusations is to call Mene, and more importantly Lord Justice Ward, a liar. He believed Mene, and for Maria to call him a liar would possibly jeopardize Pearl's custody of her son, who remains a ward of the court until he reaches 18 years of age. Not a good choice. 
  
  And so Maria and Peter say nothing, in the vain hope that their cover-up can somehow, as tattered as it is, remain in place. And their silence screams. And their silence, like a cancer, grows. 
  
  I question Maria and Peter's claim that they were genuinely concerned about Mene's welfare. Mo, Maria, and Peter were much more concerned with doing damage control and saving their own skins. There was never any question of Mene receiving medical care. How could they risk it, when Mene would undoubtedly mention that her grandfather had been sexually abusing her? 
  
  They had little genuine concern for Mene, but rather saw her as a child who knew too much and was a threat to the Family that had to be contained. Members of WS who were there heard Maria joking about how she would like to throw Mene off the high wall of their Hilltop compound and then bury her. Another told of Mo shouting at Mene, "If I had a gun, I'd shoot you!" 
  
  Maria piously claims that Mene received nothing but tender and loving care. Staff members, she wrote: 
  
  "…spent months of their time caring for a young teen who needed full-time care, talking with her, reading with her, praying with her, answering her questions, making sure she wasn't doing physical damage to herself or others, etc. These people gave themselves in love to care for a loved one who was under­going some serious problems. They were not harsh but rather were tender and loving." 
  
  Does this include Peter's public spanking of Mene? Does it include the horrendous beatings that she received at the hands of other staff members? In The Last State, Peter is recorded as boasting that he beat Mene "real hard." 
  
  (48) Has anybody ever punished you like that before? (MB: Yes) Who? (MB: "Uncle Peter".) (Peter Amsterdam: I spanked her once real hard.) 
  
  The public spanking that Peter gave Mene took place in the living room of the nipa hut at the Hilltop compound. About 25 Family leaders and WS staff members were present, including Juan and Abi. 
  
  According to eyewitnesses, Peter told Mene to lift her garment, after which he spanked her almost bare buttocks (she kept her panties on) with his belt. This is "tender and loving?" This is the "Servant King" Peter, who has the hot-line to God? Why doesn't he apologize? 
  
  And this was nothing compared to the terrible beatings she received by her WS "shepherds" in the room to which she was confined (and tied to her bed during the night). All this at the Hilltop compound, under the direct supervision of Maria and Peter. Mene was literally black and blue after these beatings, which caused her to vomit and faint. A WS staff member who overheard these beatings and later saw the purple welts covering Mene’s thighs said it was the most horrific thing he’d ever seen in the Family. Is this part of the "tender and loving" care that Maria refers to? Or part of the "tender, gentle, compassionate treatment" that Maria mentions in False Accusers of the Last Days? 
  
  A former member of WS recently shared some thoughts with me concerning Mene. I feel they summarize the issue very well: 
  
  "David Berg’s place among God’s true shepherds and prophets must be seriously called into question by anyone who takes an honest look at his life and fruit. One word says it all: Mene. If that’s how the leader of God’s endtime army conducts his personal affairs, having the kind of relationship he did with his 12-year-old granddaughter (who, after she was gone, was immediately replaced with another very young teen girl who was selected for regular cuddle time with Grandpa), then that particular endtime army is seriously out to lunch. Such draconian treatment of anyone, much less one’s own granddaughter, the child of one’s own deceased son, is abhorrent and an abomination to anyone sincerely seeking the way of God. And bear in mind, Mene was not an aberration, as he had been pulling that same kind of stuff from Day One, with Faithy and Deb." 
  
  Abner is Mene's brother. A few years ago he left the Family. But while he was still in WS, he asked Peter if an apology would ever be forthcoming. Peter sent back a strongly worded message which amounted to a rebuke. Peter cautioned Abner that that on account of his (Abner's) request both he and Maria were "very concerned" about him. Peter went on to write that their advice was that Abner not talk with his sister at all about any of the treatment she received in the Family or express his sympathies in this respect during an upcoming visit he was to have with her. Peter warned, "If you do we feel it will only serve to further pervert your opinion of the situation, that she was somehow badly mistreated." 
  In GN 653, while shedding crocodile tears, Maria wrote about the abuse that many young people claimed to have suffered while in the Family: 
  
  "It hurts me deeply, though, to hear about what some of these kids claim to have gone through. If any of it is true, it is a reproach to the Family, and a reproach to the cause of Christ!" 
  
  How could she be so pious, when she directly participated in the torture and abuse of Mene? 
  
  End of excerpts from James Penn’s articles. 
  
  In closing, I’d like to say that I don’t believe Mene will ever fully recover from the deep emotional, physical, sexual and mental torture she suffered at Berg, Maria, Peter, and Sara’s hands. But at least, from what I’ve heard, she was able to find some semblance of a normal life. Last I heard she was studying, had a boyfriend, and was doing ok, relatively speaking. 
  
  If I were a Christian, I would pray for her. However, even the concept of "prayer", after what she went through in the Family, could sound like such a mockery and slap in the face. 
  
  I’m writing this article in a very beautiful park down at the waterfront. It’s a picture perfect day; the sky is deep blue; there are white puffy clouds in the sky. I can see Mt. Rainier in the distance, and its majestic beauty is stunning. 
  
  There’s a young couple nearby, walking with their twins. The twins are dressed the same--no shirts, with cover-alls, and baseball hats. 
  
  Seeing kids with normal, loving parents who really seem to care about them is a bitter-sweet experience for me. On one hand it hurts because I’m reminded of the stark contrast between parents who most likely want what’s best for their kids, and the kind of parents I had, who were really only concerned about my welfare as far as they could use me for a favorable political commodity. 
  
  On the other hand it brings me such joy to see kids like these little twins running around, because I am so thankful that they have a good shot at happiness and success in life. They have a loving, caring family to stand behind them, and don’t have to struggle with the horrible memories and abuse that many of us who grew up in the Family do. 
  
  It gives me hope that one day Berg and Maria’s evil legacy with die with the Family, and it will be only a distant or, better yet, forgotten bad memory. 

   

   

  reader's comments on this article

  Add a new comment on this article

  from FalseProphet
  Wednesday, November 22, 2006 - 21:44
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Thank you Ricky for that insight on my Grandfather. I've known about bits and peices of your story, but never with this much detail. God this article however has already made me sick to my stomach just thinking that I actully have that fuckers Blood flowing in my veins. 
  (reply to this comment) from Ministry of the real Truth
  Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 09:03
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Timid and shy 
  Not able to speak 
  Desperate and weak 
  And you didn’t know why 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  On a cold cot 
  Could not sleep 
  Hidden truths to keep 
  That his mother begot 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Absent his mother 
  Too busy with men 
  Too guilty to listen 
  Not knowing a father 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  2125 A.D. 
  Maternally disappointed 
  In truths mantle anointed 
  Her secrets shady 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Green shirt of magic 
  He couldn’t lie 
  He didn’t even try 
  A prophecy of fabric 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Pandemonium erupted 
  In a camp that knew 
  His truth was true 
  His words uncorrupted 
  
  
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Telling the truth 
  Perfect peace, rest 
  His issues addressed 
  One hundred and thirty years of youth 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  Who asked how? 
  It hasn’t happened yet 
  Don’t ever forget 
  It has now 
  
  Dream long ago 
  Of a son 
  And they drove away in Sue’s little car 
  

  
  (reply to this comment)

  from devilcatcher
  Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 08:04
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  !
  (reply to this comment) From Jayah
  Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:47
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Oh mighty storm where is thy wind 
  Have your rains ceased to fall 
  Do your dark clouds no longer linger in judgment 
  Are the tempestuous waters of confusion settling at your feet 
  
  
  Are you beginning to understand?(reply to this comment)    from NClaunch
  Sunday, January 09, 2005 - 21:53
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  My mother has repeatedly spoken about her fond memories of that pool. (where you could view it from the underground room or whatever) God, i hope they never took me swimming in it. Apparently our family and a WS home moved in there after Berg left. Wonder how many spreadable diseases were abundant in there!
  (reply to this comment) from yellowman
  Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 09:23
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

   

  Rick, your letter was great! 

  And, you have all the necessary credentials (on account of being Zerby's only son) to actually do something to stop her. 

  Whether or not in the past you accepted money from your mother, to remain silent, I don't think is very important. Of course, if it is true, it's disappointing. But that does not effect the Truth you spoke about what those fuckers did to Mene and to us. In closing, Rick, I think you have a responsibility (in respect to being Zerby's only son) to give a voice and, to fight for all those who have suffered (& in some cases still suffer) but can not fight for them selves. At least not in the same way that you can. You have a unique opportunity here to do something about it. 

  And to those who have replied to Rick's article, not with comments on what he said, but with stupid shit: What the fuck do you think you are doing? One of the main reasons why Zerby & Co. remain and are still alive and kicking, is because their opposition (us), remain divided, fighting each other, uneducated and projecting our anger & pain at each other. 

  As long as we continue to do so, they have nothing to worry about.
  (reply to this comment)

  from yellowman
  Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 09:23
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

   

  Rick, your letter was great! 

  And, you have all the necessary credentials (on account of being Zerby's only son) to actually do something to stop her. 

  Whether or not in the past you accepted money from your mother, to remain silent, I don't think is very important. Of course, if it is true, it's disappointing. But that does not effect the Truth you spoke about what those fuckers did to Mene and to us. In closing, Rick, I think you have a responsibility (in respect to being Zerby's only son) to give a voice and, to fight for all those who have suffered (& in some cases still suffer) but can not fight for them selves. At least not in the same way that you can. You have a unique opportunity here to do something about it. 

  And to those who have replied to Rick's article, not with comments on what he said, but with stupid shit: What the fuck do you think you are doing? One of the main reasons why Zerby & Co. remain and are still alive and kicking, is because their opposition (us), remain divided, fighting each other, uneducated and projecting our anger & pain at each other. 

  As long as we continue to do so, they have nothing to worry about.
  (reply to this comment)

  from question
  Monday, April 12, 2004 - 05:47
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Is Ricky Davidito? 
  (reply to this comment) From cheeks
  Monday, April 12, 2004, 06:59
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  yes(reply to this comment)    from Meathead
  Wednesday, February 11, 2004 - 05:34
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Way to go Ricky. glad to hear it u have the guts to say "F#$k those shitbags. i'm telling what happened" this might be old news but i thought that i would add it. How many of you have watched the video from M & P in where she (M) talk about that "Ricky is/was trying to 'black mail' them for what ever amount of money (which i think you absolutely should deserve) but that they are not going to giv it cuz they can't go spenging the 'lords money' on detractors" when i saw that i couldn't stop thinking "my lord what a bunch of fucking idiots. if Ricky said he could blackmail you (M & P) then there HAS to be quite a bunch of skeletins in the closet" so what I don't get is why don't you just publicy spread the news of what happened when you were growing up in the cult? and say "fuck them" and make it know abroad. well all this to say good work.
  (reply to this comment) from lochnymph
  Tuesday, February 10, 2004 - 01:35
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  All I can say is that it was very very interesting to read this side of the story! I have to be honest and say that I was shocked! I know, I'm naieve. I was pretty young when the thing with Mene happened, but I was always bothered by the situation. My god, it was a sick situation wasn't it?! 
  (reply to this comment) from Shaka
  Sunday, February 01, 2004 - 00:37
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Good for you man, tell it like it is. I just read your article and saw my early life all over again. If there's one good thing about that fucking cult, it's that they taught me to fight. Now I'm in the U.S. military, kicking ass for something that matters. And there's still a few scores I have to settle with some of you dipshit cowards who can't fight someone you're own size so you gotta molest kids. When come back from fighting my country's enemies I'll pay some attention to my own. To all my old "teachers", you fucked with the wrong scared, innocent, and vulnerable kid. By the time I'm done with you you'll be begging for me to kill you. So help me God I swear it. Ricky, keep on fighting those fucks. You have one soldier here who will help you take them to the grave. We need people who are willing to take action rather than just sit around and talk. I, for one, will fight them to my last breath. Peace out everyone.
  (reply to this comment) from exister
  Wednesday, November 05, 2003 - 12:23
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  Ricky, 

  Congratulations on a very well written article. So much of our past ends up getting bogged down in he said - she said, but for anyone who grew up in the Family this article smacks of truth. 

  Particularly poignant is the implication that Mene's abuse ratcheted up the brutalization of Teens throughout the whole Family. I have no doubt that this is true. In a perfect world every one of these abusers would get to spend an hour in a locked room with the burliest of their victims. Oh well. 

  I can't find your user profile to email you. If you'd like to email me my address is exister99@hotmail.com 

  Be Well, exister
  (reply to this comment)

  from Ana
  Wednesday, July 02, 2003 - 09:40
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I have to say that by the time I was half way through the letter I was almost crying. Because I remembered of the times that I was in the family and the horrible things that also happened to me (like make me swallow two table spoons of chilli pepper as a punishment,horrible spankings were becoming an everyday activity, scrubbing our tongue with soap and a cloth brush)these are only some of the light punishments that we had. I must say that the adults in the family are the most hypocrit people I've ever known. Has anybody taken a peek to what they are having for devotions lately? All that power of the seven keys and visions shows me that the family is going totally crazy. Now some sort of seven keys have more power than Jesus, has anyone noticed that they don't pray in the name of Jesus anymore they pray in the freakin' power of the seven keys. I feel horrible to know that spent seventeen years of my life in a crazy cult that teaches crazy shit to their kids. I'm telling you when I left the family I finally saw how weird I was at the time and how family kids in some way all of them have a weird or scared look on their face not normal at all. I don't want to write anymore so I'll just stop here. Thank you Rick for writing everything that you know about Berg's home, I already suspected some of that crazy stuff. 
  (reply to this comment) from mery
  Friday, April 25, 2003 - 14:18
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  hi there everyone.....i don't know if this was covered before anywhere as i am fairly new to this site, but i was just wondering what became of mary dear and techi, as well as alf and sara. i know there is a lot of focus on ricky and we all know about davida but i was just wondering where they all are now, are they still in the family, did they leave, if they did what are their views on the family, or maybe if they do get on this site they can give me some info. i briefly met sara's family in brazil many years ago (alf was not there), her girls seemed very nice. i've been out of the family for several years now and a friend just recently told me about this site, but i hardly have any spare time to browse through it, i will over time tho. but maybe ricky, if you know, you can tell us, i don't know if anyone else is curious or not or even if this has already been talked about, but i'm glad to have found out about this site and will spend more time on it in the near future. thanks to all the editors and people who contribute, it's very interesting and informative.

  
  (reply to this comment) From Nick
  Friday, April 25, 2003, 15:02
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  Mary Dear lives in Houston. I am not sure if she is still in or not, but I heard she was getting a place with some guy. I don't know if that meant on their own or if they are opening a "home". Last time I saw her she had come over to my house for some party we had and got drunk. I heard she got in a lot of shit for that when she got home. She did really strike me as a very intelligent and well-adjusted girl. Good looking also. If she does leave I am sure she will do just fine.

  (reply to this comment)    From 
  Saturday, May 01, 2004, 12:02
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  She took after her older sister Davida. She is a stripper. Go figure!(reply to this comment)    From mikio
  Wednesday, October 29, 2003, 01:56
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Mary Dear is indeed out of TF, as is her younger sister. Parents and youngest sister are in. (reply to this comment)    From mikio
  Wednesday, October 29, 2003, 01:50
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Mary Dear is indeed out of TF, as is her younger sister. Parents and youngest sister are in. (reply to this comment)    from DoctorJ
  Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 23:23
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Good for u for having the guts to say it as it is.
  (reply to this comment) from LD
  Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 18:22
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Ricky, 
  I appreciated this letter coming to back up much of what we already know .I don't blame Mene if she never ever wanted to see another Family face as long as she lives.But want I want to know is what are doing to stop your mother's abuse? In reading and catching up on this site which I just recently found, one thing sticks out to me is that we do not have fucking chance at stopping the Family immediately,many are just trying to do their best with helping their younger siblings but you are such a direct link to the top with all you've been privy to, why don't you as your mother's only son try to put her into a mental ward,just out of love and concern for others who have suffered because of your family?I am not putting the blame on you but a part of you knows that if anyone had a chance to change stuff it could be you.You are her blood kin and your concern would be understandable to any outside agency.I haven't really kept up with Family gossip so I could be wrong maybe you are already doing as much as you can to stop your Mom.Fuck Peter he may be a driving force in her life but she insane and therefore in need of someone to free her from his clutches.Once again just a suggestion I could be way off no insult to you intended.Your life compared to mine was probably worse by far.I wish you well in life>LD
  (reply to this comment) From patijo
  Friday, August 29, 2003, 21:15
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I agree. These people should be behind bars. A mental institution is far to gentle an ending. Almost every shephered/ws person has broken the law. This is my first time on this site and when I heared that "Davidito" was out and I wondered if he would do anyting to turn in his mother. I know it has to be difficult to have a mother like that but she needs to be in prison. She has lived off the tithes of poor single moms on the field for far too long, with thier 13 kidz cause she told them to go for the gold with out support and she had all of what?.. TWO whole kids and she had like three nannies when she was 4 months PG. What the hell is that about, where were the nannies for my mothers 11 kids or my brothers 6. Who is going to put food on thier table? Ricky, I am sorry for what you went through, we all went through similar shit, but you have got to know where they are or a way to turn them in. Someone has got to put a stop to this.(reply to this comment)    from JoeH
  Sunday, January 05, 2003 - 21:20
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Has it occurred to any of you ESL (English as a Second Language) students that Zerby was paying Ricky to be quiet, and that when he spoke up she stopped?
  (reply to this comment) From MeccaM74
  Wednesday, January 08, 2003, 12:00
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I relly don't give a fuck whether or not he got paid to keep his mouth shut, all I was promoting was "freedom of speech!" I am not ashamed to be considered an "ESL student," I was born in San Diego, Ca., and I did grow up speaking both English and Spanish and I am proud to say that I am fluent in both languages, I do make my minor spelling and grammar mistakes but overall I have a very easy time communicating in both languages. If you would like to make fun of ESL well, that's up to you but at leaast they have the guts to learn a different language apart from their own and have the balls to make mistakes while speaking other languages. 
  Peace!(reply to this comment)    From MeccaM74
  Wednesday, January 08, 2003, 12:09
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  BTW, what does ESL, grammar, spelling have to do with the above article?? I believe the article is of a serious matter and not to be taken lightly so all this talk about the "other" is completely irrelevant, you can always begin a new article on a different page on "English Grammar" and "English as a Second Language," it might be greatly appreciated and people might benefit from it, you could also use some clippings from the book, "Enlgish Grammar for Dummies!" -- Just a suggestion!(reply to this comment)    from MeccaM74
  Sunday, January 05, 2003 - 17:57
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Para Christina de La Puente: 
  Coño, que tienes conmigo, eh? Me imagino que hablas español por lo que dijiste de mi nombre. 
  If you noticed there was a person who went by the name ******* and that was the person whom everyone seemed to be all pissed at so I was saying that we shouldn't let the guy/girl bother us, and that's why I was referring to letting him excercise his "freedom of speach". 
  Oye, en una nota personal, pues fijate que estoy muy agradecida de el no vivir en España ya que como tu dices, mi nombre seria horroroso. Realmente Me importa un comino lo que pienses de mi nombre. ¡Salud! ¡Feliz Año Nuevo!
  (reply to this comment) From para MeccaM74
  Saturday, February 01, 2003, 19:34
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Estimada MeccaM, siento mucho haberte ofendido con mis dichos un tanto groceros, agradesco mucho que hayas puesto en su lugar a ese imbécil de JoeH que tiene una obseción casi clínica con lo de la gramática y la morfosintaxis de la lengua.. desprendo de tu nota (estoy muy agradecida) que eres una dama, por lo cual estoy doblemente arrepentido/da de haberte faltado el respeto con mis ofensas lingüísticas. Me alegro mucho de que al igual que a mí, los errores gramaticales no te fastidien, a demás, lo importante es dabatir sobre el artículo de Ricky y no sobre como escribimos. Una vez más, te ruego que me disculpes por haber sido tan grocero contigo, te deseo lo mejor y gracias por defender a los que hacemos un esfuerzo enorme por tratar de comunicarnos en inglés. peace to You(reply to this comment)    From Yo, otre vez
  Saturday, February 01, 2003, 19:46
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  MeccaM, sólo quería aclararte que no formo parte de los COG, y no pienso formar parte de ellos nunca más, y respecto de Ricky y la opinión que tengo de El, no te preocupes, es que a pesar de que estoy seguro de que todo lo que escribió y describió es real y efectivamente ocurrió, también estoy seguro que recibió dinero cuando se fue de la familia, dime MeccaM, cuando tú te fuiste de la familia, te dieron plata? te indemnizaron?, estoy seguro que no, igual que yo, tuviste que salir adelante sola, en cambio para El (Ricky) todo fue más fácil, a mí eso me parece super injusto... pero bueno, no es más que mi simple opinió, y no es más que eso, una opinión. best wishes(reply to this comment)    From to Yo otra vez
  Saturday, February 01, 2003, 21:11
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Estás seguro o estás segura? make up your mind... and you say "agradeZco" no "agradeSco"... oops! Sorry, just a grammar obsession, what would JoeH think of my poor Spanish, espero que El no haya leído esto Amiga MeccaM. En fin, just a joke that only dear Meccam entenderá. Adiós(reply to this comment)    From MeccaM74
  Monday, February 10, 2003, 02:07
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Oye, "Yo otra vez" estoy interesada en que me escribas, parece que escribes Castellano, fijate que tengo tiempo tratando de comprar libros que me ayuden a perfeccionar mi Espanol, acaso podrias ayudarme? Lo apreciaria mucho, si puedes me escribes a e_lusty@yahoo.com muchas gracias.(reply to this comment)    From De Mí otra vez para MeccaM74
  Saturday, February 15, 2003, 12:42
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  encantado/a de ayudarte!!!(reply to this comment)    From MeccaM74
  Sunday, January 05, 2003, 18:02
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Haha, mistake of mine, "speech" ... just correcting myself! See ya!(reply to this comment)    from MeccaM
  Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 01:58
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  It's quite funny to hear that person who is abviously still in the COG lecture Ricky, it sounds like my step-father and mother who are still in. It's actually sad to see these people so blind to the "real world", they think the "system" is deluted but they are sooo, wrong. 
  This person obviously has too much time in his/her hands and obviously not obeying his leadership. I believe Zerby and Kelly made it very clear that they didn't want their "children" coming to this site because the "Lord" showed them they should stay away from the influences of this world and the things which are not "pure unto His eyes." 
  For the rest of you, you gotta ignore his ramblings, if he wants to write, let him/her write!! Freedom of speach, right? 
  I have gone through a lot in my life, mostly in the 25 years that I was in the cult and it's a struggle to move on and I could never "forgive and forget" all the abuse I suffered but I am living my life as it best suits my family and I and thingd have been good to us! 
  The more you all get hyped about this person's writing the more the person will come back to confront and try to make you "think," they always used psychology on us. I think we are all smarter now and can ignore it. 
  As they used to tell us, "What is that to thee, follow thou me!" We don't necessarily want this person following us, his/her mind is made up and that's cool! We shouldn't let it bother us. Our mind is made up as well and neither him/her or us will budge so, let the guy ramble on, we know what we believe in, we know whom we trust, we know what is important to us, there is no need for us to get offended or challanged by their ignorance.
  (reply to this comment) From Christina De La Puente
  Sunday, January 05, 2003, 15:21
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Dear MECCA... M, Nobody is lecturing Rick, nobody is making "think" nobody, nobody is using "pshychology" here, however, is always good to hear that somebody is smart enough to promote "freedom of speech"... yah, you are right, i all ready make up my mind, and i´m convince of my opinion about Ricky, although i am glad he is out, although i understand what he went through while in the COG, i don´t agree with his motivation, do i have to? BTW very interesting name, here in Europe, more specifically speaking, in Spain, Mecca...M sounds like a very bad word, too bad that such a clever mind has the dishonour of having such an ugly name.(reply to this comment)    from Hamlet AlwaysDoubting
  Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 12:15
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  first of all, thanks for having put this to the knowledge of everyone, although most of it is just what has been said in the court, just extracts from the judge veredict. but after reading this, i wonder Rick, have you written this for noble porpuses or just as a vendetta against your Mother. look i have read in another place that you have got some economical benefits from your Mother, is it true or just a murmur, would you clarify me that? because if you are doing this just to take revenge against your Mother because She does not support you any more i don´t think is right, it does not speak well of your motivation, but if you are doing this because, like me, you really think that your mother has failed as a mother to you and to all of us, and specially to Mene, being responsable for the abuse that the poor girl suffered under her direct supervision, being responsable for hidding from us that your step father, Berg, was a child molester, and a sickening incestous. then i agree with your motivation. it must be hard and difficult to read this, it must be hard and difficult to face the life and have the feeling that there is nothing to hang to any more, but is harder to have the shadow of receiving charity from those who we hate.
  (reply to this comment) From bobo
  Saturday, January 04, 2003, 12:30
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  "judge veredict. but after reading this, i wonder Rick, have you written this for noble porpuses 
  " 
  
  did you mean NOBLE Porpoises, or maybe Dolphins? 
  
  SPARE US THE PAIN AND RUN SPELL-CHECK 
  
  Thank you sew mutch!!! 
  (reply to this comment)    From to bobo
  Tuesday, February 18, 2003, 17:40
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  ya, got the point, but, what about the points expressed by Hamlet, what´s your opinion on that? let´s avoid the spelling, let´s stay "in the meat" rather than the "weak tea" of your arguements.(reply to this comment)    From JoeH
  Thursday, December 26, 2002, 14:10
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  ricky, please feel free to ignore foreign guy, at least until his English improves(reply to this comment)    From Pete
  Friday, January 03, 2003, 08:31
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  in spite of linguistic improvement, there is something you can know in any language... STOP KISSING RICKY´S ASS!!!(reply to this comment)    From phillipe
  Friday, January 03, 2003, 14:03
      From a friend?
  Friday, January 03, 2003, 08:01
      from 
  Wednesday, December 25, 2002 - 21:02
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  It makes me sick to think that I was born believing that grandpa that was a nice guy. I hope he burns in hell!! I'm sorry mene where ever you are that you had to go through that.
  (reply to this comment) from anovagrrl
  Monday, December 23, 2002 - 16:48
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  More power to yah, kiddo. You're the creeps' worst nightmare. May the force be with you. I'll be watching your website to see what happens. I've waited 30 years to see justice come home to roost in that perverse household. It would be nice to hear more about how Mene/Merry is doing as a young adult. Abused kids can be amazingly resilient and move on to have satisfying lives. After I left the Family, I made a career out of treating abused kids, and my experience is...anything's possible.
  (reply to this comment) from Chyna
  Saturday, November 02, 2002 - 19:08
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  hey there ricky, gosh, i'm still in shock after reading your story. I always grew up idolizing grandpa and maria's home.....when in actuality they were some seriously sick pedophiles and perverts. It's so unbelieveable how ppl can lie and distort truth for their own gain. I just feel so sorry for the younger generation who's born into the family and really doesn't know the real truth. I left about 2 years ago and the thing i regret the most is how they try and make you feel like the fam is the real world and everyone in the system is living in a fantasy.....when in reality, it's totally the opposite.......man these ppl are gonna have a rude awakenning.....
  (reply to this comment) from kreed
  Saturday, November 02, 2002 - 17:56
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  hey ricky very well written! A huge eye opener........and i think you're the one we all needed to hear it from. 
  I've been out of the Family for about 2 years now.....i just stumbled onto this site lastnight. 
  .....Alf and Sara live like 15 mins away from my house. 
  I've recently heard rumors......which i haven't been able to confirm yet.....that you sued the Family for $100,000 .......that Maria came out with some video saying how you were dangerous and vicious, yadda, yadda. 
  Anyway.....i'm very interested in hearing about that. Or if you could confirm the rumor for me?
  (reply to this comment) from Cultinvator
  Wednesday, October 30, 2002 - 16:57
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  (Jonathan) Whoever this person is who thinks that going a crusade to defend or apologise for the name of people he/she doesnt' know in a section written from people who really did or did at a greater lenght is either pathetically diluted with desperate egoistical apirations to perform or in a troubeling degree of selfdenial. I thought of Grandpa as the wonderful person that was portrayedd but I didn't try to jump on ex-members testimonials with irrational and culturecentered statements. That's pathetic. You know little cult whimp, a of us are not christian and we are not persecuting christians at the stake. In history there is far more of the other case of christians persecuting "pagans" than there is of pagans persecuting christians. I can tell you as a fact that Christianity is the largest religion on the planet and a good part of it is exclusive and intolerant of others in their belief. Just look at the verse John 14:6. Growing up as a missionary I know as a fact that our religion, or the one I believed in is very exclusive. Jesus basically says my way or the highway! How loving and understaning is that. "I am the way, no man commeth to the father but by me". What an ego centered diety is that? He that loveth the son hath life, he that loveth not the son hath not life, but the wrath of god abideth on him." What does this sound like? A stressful relationship. Imagine going to a club and saying oh hi pretty lady, either you love me and have life, or you don't and my father is going to beat the crap out of you in a burning lake of fire because your one of your great grandfathers commited a sin and ate out of an apple that we told him not to, and ever since people have bin sinful. Not murderers or rapists (like us) but sinful and the punishment for sin is death, but "our wonderful gift is eternal life". So, do you want to have a drink with me? My love is everlasting so long as you accept me and love me, but if you refuse to accept me or my buddy the holy ghost, that's an unpardonable sin and cannot be forgiven. I'd say take a hike and if you get your paws on me I'll have the bouncer (Government) put your dumb ass in jail! I don't care how many people you've saved or died for I ait selling into an abusive relationship. 
  
  How's that for a metaphor?
  (reply to this comment) From Hanna_Black
  Thursday, October 31, 2002, 09:18
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  why "people he didn't know?" Ricky is the happy little Davidito, so I think he DOES know...(reply to this comment)    From love me or die
  Wednesday, October 30, 2002, 18:40
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I tried that pickup line once, ....it worked wonders.(reply to this comment)    From Hanna_Black
  Wednesday, October 30, 2002, 17:43
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Umm, I don't wanna be picky, but I could read your comment a lot better if you added some punctuation...(reply to this comment)    From JoeH
  Wednesday, October 30, 2002, 18:32
      from Nina
  Wednesday, October 23, 2002 - 19:46
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I just found this site, and I was wondering, who are you? All I saw was "Ricky". I've been out for four years. And I'm curious as to who you are.
  (reply to this comment) From Mrs.S
  Monday, August 15, 2005, 08:38
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  he's David, Davidito, babe 

   

  great letter, isn't it. It's too bad he's gone. 

  Take care Love(reply to this comment) 

    from thepersoniamnow
  Thursday, September 19, 2002 - 13:40
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Hi Ricky, 
  How are you? 
  Thanks for writing that letter on movingon.org. 
  It was a real eye opener and was one of the most interesting thing that I have ever read about the Family leadership. 
  I recently got excommed for my involvement in writing a letter to Mama about the family with some suggestions. 
  It was published as "The professionals" 
  I have alot of questions and would like to be in contact with you. 
  Jules asked me to edit a new section of movingon.com, soon to be up and running. 
  Its a debating section for topics about the family. 
  I was wondering if you would be open to answering questions and if I could ask you for ur opinion and insight from time to time. 
  I realie that you very well may be getting scores of emails from ppl. 
  I don`t wanna bother you at all and if you don`t feel comfortable or anything like that, its fine. 
  Thanks for listening! 
  Take care man! 
  
  (reply to this comment) From sar
  Saturday, October 12, 2002, 14:25
      from sar
  Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 18:29
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  What's you're opinion on kids growin up in the family now? You met Simon and Pearl for example, do you think their kids are in danger in any way? also, why do you refer to her as Pearl?
  (reply to this comment) from Greenhorn
  Wednesday, July 31, 2002 - 00:26
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Just saw your photo on the front page of this section.....sorry about my stupidity. Take care!
  (reply to this comment) from Greenhorn
  Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 04:38
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Hey Ricky, thanks for writing all that. I think there are hundreds of us who’ve wanted to hear the truth from you. It means a lot to me, and because of this it’s quite important for me to know if it was indeed written by you. Would you oblige me by answering a question? I met you in 2000 in Genty’s place, right after you returned from fishing on the Katie Ann. I was fishing as well, on the Rover. I live in Russia, and used to work with Genty in Russia, I’m not from the Edson family. Do you remember my name or any physical characteristics? You impressed me as an honest, humble person (in the good sense of the word). I would very much appreciate a reply.
  (reply to this comment) from ex FGA
  Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 18:30
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Thanks Ricky, your story was a real eyeopener for me. 
  (reply to this comment) from neez
  Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 05:52
    from C
  Monday, July 22, 2002 - 11:23
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  This 7* is doing it again. He’s smearing his tired mantra all over this section of the website, as well. He’s like a fungus that keeps growing. As long as people give him the time of day, he’ll keep coming back like Pet Cemetery. 
  
  This is a guy most of us wouldn’t talk to in a bar! So, don’t let him take any more of our time. He is the saddest, most pathetic remains of a cultist. They stole our childhoods, don’t let them take one more day or occupy one more thought. 
  
  His overconfident ignorance insights me, as well. But, I sleep well at night knowing that the God I pray to and the God who watches over me and my little son, is the one who created the earth. That God doesn’t condone child abuse, sex cults or torture. I say let him pray to his dead people, support his evil cult and be on his merry little way. Just don’t give him reason to stop here, cause that insipid little train, which is on its last leg, doesn’t stop here anymore! 
  (reply to this comment) From @@@@@@@
  Tuesday, July 23, 2002, 05:26
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Sorry C. I hope you're not getting the idea I'm after you or your little son! I've got one of my own whom I love to bits. I'm sorry if you have that kinda' mentality & I can only apologise if I've given you that impression. I* don't support any "evil cult" & I doubt you'd find anything on any of my posts that say I do! I've stated my position quite clearly & I can't help it if people draw the wrong conclusions! I think if you'd read my posts with a fair amount of objectivity you'd see that I'm trying my best to be reasonable, but there are still some things in God's Word that cannot be commutted, no matter what any of us may want to say. It's not my place to say what the Family does or does not do. It's not my place. I am saying to Ricky, whom I've already stated that I know, that I didn't agree with his presentation style or content, & simply made a little suggestion that I was hoping would HELP! Nothing more! Please don't read any more into it than that!(reply to this comment)    From dan
  Friday, January 03, 2003, 11:04
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  now you've done it. you have gone and pissed me off. so fuck the spelling AND THE PUNCUATION and answer me this what what part of gods fucking word should we all bow down to? how bout the one where god had them use just a touch of genocide on the caininites? or when they cut off the big toes and thumbs of their enemies or when they they beat people to death with big fucking rocks or there is always masada; lets all kill our selves for god. but don't even stop there , oh no lets move on to all the other good fruit there were those nice people that didn't give al there money away to the cult right therer in ther book of act and what happened to them? well they droped down fucking dead! that should take care of that, now does anyone else want to hold out on god? 
  
  that can hardley be good start for cristianity but it started killing those that did not agree with it in a hurry and the next thuing you know the meek, poor, foolish and base things of the world took over and over thru the greek and roman virtues of medicine and cleanliness and for over a thousand years WE LIVED IN DARKNESS dosen't that make you mad to relize that the human race that was beutifull and orginized whent back to the hoard and people spashed fucking holy watter and millions died medicine didn't move forward till after the crimerian war with florincenightingale. 
  
  I got ahead of my self though, lets not forget the inqusition there are some nice people. sound like any one you know? think about it. tie people up in rooms coax confetions and then beat them for it / better that than to let them go down to hell with a sin o nthere heart. wich hunts ... what are they? who's not like us? who do we sacrifice to keep the heard in line? mene, joan the salem witch trials? 
  
  it's not the family and it is not the word of god it is fanatism and people like you who say "his ways are above our ways" so you don't understand why berg could fondle and abuse in a cerial fation? but that is ok becuas eyou don't understand all of GOD'S WORD.go visit jones town and ask if they understood all of god's word . just remember to be as a little child to enter into the kingdom of heaven and give me your hand and we're going to go for a ride!!! do you like big black vans? 
  
  I hope you teach your kid to have more discretion that you do or that beatifull child is going to be a statistic in the question of do abused children turn around and abuse othere children? the answer is Yes they do and the last ten cases i have heard of have been about family boys that I knew as a boy and are now men and hearing about the little girls that have been playing a dangerous game of " stay away from the 14 year old boys" 
  
  so you go read gods word and when you understand all things that the drunk old men have said over the last 4000 years you make disition then. you decide for your self if you are going to look at a book and believe that it is god's word and true before reading it. now that you are sure it is the divine light you follow that book blindly to the letter (rembering that it is a bit dated and some things have changed so feel free to listen to what the voices in your head tell you , it worked for the manson's ) 
  
  I've gone back and deleted my theats and if you ever's but remember that the word of god is final and the word of god said that the guys that hit the towers are doing their forty virgins every day.(reply to this comment)    From cm
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 18:56
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  C, I could not agree more. 7* has outdone his own irrationality with this latest post. His faux claims to be in earnest search of proof have ulimately proved themselves to be unfounded. When confronted with the evidence he seeks, he either ignores it or dismisses it as a "memory...tarnished with time." 
  
  Now that his (thinly veiled) guise of objectivity is blown, I expect no one will listen when he claims to be "objective" or "fair-minded." He is walking proof that "there are none so blind as those who refuse to see."(reply to this comment)    from Joe
  Monday, July 22, 2002 - 11:14
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  If the Family's such a wonderful place why the hell don't you rejoin? You sound like the fox who got his tail cut off, and now you want the rest of us to cut off ours. Don't you realize that we've heard all your biblical drivel? If it didn't keep us in the Family, do you think it will "touch us in the spirit" now?
  (reply to this comment) From cm
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 19:03
      from Free Dom Fighter (aka: MagicGreenDildo)
  Monday, July 22, 2002 - 10:04
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Look, whoever you are 7* (most likely a WS informant of some sort) you don't really seem to get the point of Ricky's whole article here. You wanker! What the fuck are your mental issues, anyway!? Ricky's story had nothing to do with trying to be "the most evenly-balanced of literary pieces"...it was simply telling his life story the way he saw it and reporting violence, child abuse, and madness in many forms. There is nothing one-sided about doing that, and neither should it involve (as you seem to call for) counting his blessings and acknowledging "no matter what the disadvantages there may have been to living there, for the most part the advantages must have outweighed" (in your words). Look you demented freak of nature, it was his life, not yours. If you can feel good about yourself trying to discredit Ricky and tell him none of this ever happened (or worse: although it did, it doesn't matter because so much good came out of it), you're FAR more "slanted and one-sided" then he'll ever be! News flash!
  (reply to this comment) From *******
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 10:45
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Obiously I'm not even going to get onto the subject of Ws since I don't even report or have any way of contacting WS other than to try to go through some Family members I know to try to get any message for me, which I DON'T. As for your arguement as to "telling his life story as he saw it", I'm sure you're aware that human memories often become tarnished with time, & depending on the mood we happen to be in, we can either remember the good or the bad mostly. It's also worthy to note that our perception of what's good or bad changes with time, often with the added help of peer-presure (I'm almost certain that you're all very familiar with what THAT is & it's effects [even if many would not be readily willing to acknowledge it]) to boost certain portions of life & blow them out of all porportion. I'm quite sure that when God gave those laws & when Jesus confirmed them, He knew that there would be many occcasions where an offspring would not respect their parent/s & might felt to voice that lack of respect in a very emphatic manner (if not, then there would be no need for those laws to be put in place in the first place), so therefore gave such strict instructions NOT to. In any case we could discuss this all day long back & forth, but in the end the decision doesn't come down to you or me! News flash!(reply to this comment)    From JohnnieWalker
  Tuesday, July 23, 2002, 03:39
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Peer pressure? How do people who have not met and communicate voluntarily via a website exert peer pressure on each other? Do you feel pressure from any of us to participate in the dialog on this site? 
  
  When you say that we are influenced by peer pressure you are, in effect, calling us push-overs. I do not believe that anyone applied any sort of pressure on Ricky to post what he has. He did so of his own accord with no coaxing from any side. Someone who does something without outsdie influence does not fall under the category of a push-over. Or do they for you? 
  
  If you observe Ricky's memories of his life in the Family as being "tarnished", then I'm sure you must in all fairness consider your own memories of your time in the Family to be equally tarnished.(reply to this comment)    from C
  Monday, July 22, 2002 - 09:21
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Ricky, 
  
  I really, really hope you don’t read this condescending, hypocritical dissertation from this idiot 7*. He’s been spreading his blather all over this website, preaching at people, quoting scriptures and pretty much setting himself up as some mockery of judge and jury. Although he’s so ignorant of the law, it’s humorous. He’s taken up good people’s time and energy. Please, don’t spend any of yours even reading or replying to his ilk. He’s nothing more than a minimum-wage earning working class punk from England, from what I can gather. Do not be dissuaded by him. 
  
  Your words have helped people in ways you will never know. Those of us who know what you went through, because we experienced similar, feel for you and admire you for having finally broken away from the evil torture your mother and Berg put you through. 
  
  As far as the ilk, this idiot 7* has posted here, those of us who know the real truth, know you owe your mother nothing, much less an apology. She deserves to be brought to justice for the crimes she committed in hundreds of children’s lives. And as far as telling your story on the web, I applaud you! Despite the pain and difficulty in talking about what you endured, you did so for other’s sake. That took real strength. And Ricky, truth is an absolute defense against libel. So, let them whine, but there is nothing they can do when they are exposed by truth. And if they try, please allow me the honor to use my law degree to defend you, if possible. The Family uses lots of fear and intimidation tactics, but they don’t know the law. But, soon, hopefully, they will finally be brought to justice. 
  
  So, please don’t be dissuaded Ricky. Your postings helped so many, exposed the guilty and told the truth! I’ll also ask that others not respond to this idiot 7*. He has smeared his delusional beliefs all over one section of this website. This section that you’ve written is so powerful, that it doesn’t need his outdated, uneducated delusions smeared across it, as well. 
  
  Take care Ricky! Please, know you are admired for your strength. Don’t give up. Also, I, too, find solace in seeing children, like the twins you mentioned, dressed well and treated with love and kindness. It gives me hope that there are children who won’t have to know the pain of our childhoods. 
  
  Sincerely, 
  C
  (reply to this comment) From *******
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 09:59
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  So now the choice is yours Ricky, do you follow the advice that this "educated lawyer" has for you, or do you follow the advice given to us all from the Word of God (more specifically the scriptures I quoted from the Bible). Man's laws bring death) even though there is a way that seemeth right unto a man....) God's laws bring life--for those who love & try to follow them. The wonderful thing about Jesus is that He's the Blessed Redeemer & His blood cleanses us from all sin, & He even said that "all manner of sin & blasphemy shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, except the blashemy against the Holy Ghost". So I'm sure there's no need to hold on to those views now that you've gotten them out of your system. Try to forgive & forget & I'm sure that you will also be afforded the same courtesy by others. The apology I was suggesting was in no way meant to be some sort of grovelling self-debassing affair! I'm sure that just a few lines of regret would work to help smooth things over & bring peace, & show that you're not valuing your pride & opinions more than doing the right thing. I wouldn't be suprised at all if something like that might not even bring something of an apology from the folks you've detracted against. It's a fact of human nature that when one apologises it creates a softening in peoples hearts & attitudes & the barriers of defensiveness are quickly washed away, & people become reasonably dispositioned to meet you half-way. No-one will think the less of you for it.(reply to this comment)    From LOWDOWN
  Saturday, January 11, 2003, 17:56
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I recently found this web site and have been so happy to see that the majority of us who have left that hell hole of our past are finding sanity and closure in being ourselves for once without fear or condemnation.But I guess not all of us could make it out without some mental issues or maybe for people like our dear 7* ,are just genetical disposed to insanity.It is sad that you can only define yourself and your thought pattern to what was shoved down your throat as a child, don't you ever want to be free of always having to resort to the Word to deal with life?Don't you want to know yourself for who your by the thoughts that aren't backed by some verse or can't you just express your thoughts without the back up of religion.I pity you, probably as many others who have read your tirades.(reply to this comment)    From ironic
  Thursday, October 31, 2002, 13:09
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  You SON OF A BITCH!!! How dare you fucking say forgive and forget. What would you say if it was your sister or your friend. You self righteous manic. My sister was molested in the family because of people like you who use your forgive and forget BULLSHIT!!! And don't quote the Bible at us, we are not the ones blasheming here, it you people who distort the Bible with all your perverted theories. We'll forgive and forget when those who are responsible for the abuse that we have suffered at their hands come up and give us a sincere apology, not deny the accusations (and don't bother saying they haven't done that, i'll give you letter references to prove you wrong). Until then GO FUCK YOURSELF or better yet follow in "Dad's" shoes and get the electric chair!! With "Dad" gone that's one less pervert out of the way and feel free to follow him, we hella ain't stopping you!!(reply to this comment)    From *******
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 10:22
      From *******
  Monday, July 22, 2002, 10:04
      from *******
  Monday, July 22, 2002 - 07:33
    from MagicGreenDildo
  Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 01:41
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Hey Ricky, your story was so bizarre, far-fetched, pathetic, grotesque, bad-tempered, perverse, unreasonable, ridiculous, and downright sadistic that I would never believe it ...that is, if it had come from anyone other than you--Davidito. Thanks a lot, man. I'd heard some of this stuff before (although not the vast majority of it), but when it comes from YOU it just takes all credibility out of denials to "false accusations from apostates, and other doomed souls"...seeing as you're their own son (who I've read about all by life in the Life With Grandpa books). I'm just deciding to leave the Family now. Hey, it would be very interesting to hear more from you.
  (reply to this comment) from justagirl
  Monday, June 24, 2002 - 17:48
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Ricky- Thank you for posting this article. I just read through it while at work and I felt like puking. I'm so sorry for what you went through. My sister is still in the family...I just wish she'd come to her senses! It's horrible that people can be so brainwashed to revere people guilty of such abuse and soooooo sick and perverted! I am ashamed of my past, I've only told one person since leaving that I grew up in a cult. All I wish for now is that if I ever have kids of my own, they could have the childhood I never had...and you never had...a normal healthy childhood. I do think that family kids are resilient though, I know many of us have overcome huge odds to make some sort of success of ourselves...I still can't believe that I'm a senior soon to graduate from college after being deprived an education while growing up. I suffered a lot of psychological abuse, though minimal sexual abuse, but abuse is abuse! The day I left the family I never felt more free, I felt as if huge chains had been lifted. Leaving the cult was the BEST decision I ever made and one that I will NEVER regret despite the difficulties I've faced since leaving. 
  (reply to this comment) from Rocky
  Thursday, June 20, 2002 - 21:06
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I wanted to say something to C about her comment. 
  
  What a beautiful thing to share. It gives me hope that people I know will get out! 
  
  Thanks! Follow your dreams!
  (reply to this comment) from nameless
  Monday, June 17, 2002 - 20:55
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I remember you telling me some of this ages ago - glad you got the chance to tell all. Best of luck, if I ever get the blues I'll just remember I wasn't as hard done by as you guys with had to live with the sex-pervert, paedophile, violent, alcoholic that called himself our grandfather, or even better (one of my personal favourites) Kind David incarnate. 
  (reply to this comment) from ssam
  Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 02:07
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Ricky, thank you for going to the trouble of writing that. It works to help others get set free. Spiritual abuse is one of the worst forms of control, and it has devastating effects on its victims, as we have all witnessed with so many ruined lives, suicides, etc. I'm rooting for you and your future, and appreciate very much your willingness to expose the shit that you grew up in so that others can see it for what it really was, and it leaves so very little room for excuses from the guilty.
  (reply to this comment) from Craven de Kere
  Friday, June 07, 2002 - 00:00
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I was in several victor programs, I don't know if anyone has mentioned it but one thing I really hated was the weeklong silence restrictions. 
  
  I had to walk around with a sign on my neck saying that "g*d is teaching me to be silent". 
  
  In Nagoya I had the isolation treatment where I had to be escorted to the bathroom etc by an adult for a month. 
  
  I am past all of it but I still remember the others who went through the programs, the paddlings, the silence restrictions, the isolations, the public laying on of hands, and the exorcism. 
  
  I hope that one day the 1st generation realizes that their twisted ideals led them to want to mold the minds of their kids while they marched to a sick beat. History has shown that when parents are overbearing they are usually administering a dose of reverse psychology. The family will not last beyond the 2nd generation and the 1st generation will see their sick dream die. 
  
  Too bad it was too late for so many of them. I am appalled that they vilify the poor kids who killed themselves in a feckless effort to exonerate themselves. 
  
  They are for morality what Madonna is for chastity and yet they recklessly invoked their ever more demented dogma to justify their treachery against their scions. 
  
  I once wrote to Maria rebuking her for the way the "backsliders" were neglected, and worse yet, blamed for falling through the cracks of the society on the outside. They conveniently forget that they did everything within the realm of their possibility to deny the 2nd generation what they need to survive on the outside. In the "system" they were taught to fear. 
  
  She wrote me back saying that she wanted to to hug me. 
  
  Needless to say I was not in any way impressed by her offer. I will post her letter in a new article sometime, my scanner doesn't work with windows xp so I'll have to type the whole blasted text out.
  (reply to this comment) From dsci4
  Friday, June 14, 2002, 18:14
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I was a victor and lived in Nagoya aswell. Hmmm, Wonder if I know you.(reply to this comment)    From Craven de Kere
  Saturday, June 15, 2002, 15:26
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I was too young for the victor programs in Japan (though I was placed in my own program in Nagoya). 
  
  My behaviour intitiated victor programs in other countries however.(reply to this comment)    from MeccaM74
  Wednesday, June 05, 2002 - 22:46
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Hey Ricky, good to hear you posting articles, it's ben a while since I've heard from you. I remember you telling me a bit of your story but I was not sure if you would ever tell the story for all to know. Of course the last time we spoke it was a fucking confusing and emotional time for a few of us and didn't know what step to take next or how to go about taking it. I'm glad you have been freed from the supressing atmosphere of the cult. 
  Take care friend, if you ever want to get in contact with us you know where to reach us/me. My e-mail is posted on this site you must've lost my other one by now.
  (reply to this comment) from SS
  Wednesday, June 05, 2002 - 14:30
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I knew that some very strange things went on at Berg's house, but I had absolutely no idea just how bad it really was. Reading this really made me sick to my stomach... I can't believe that as a child I was taught that this sick fuck was someone I should love and respect. Ricky, if after all you've been through and seen you can manage to find peace and happiness in your life then I cannot help but admire you. I know one of the girls you grew up with and she is hurting badly from the hell that she calls her childhood. It makes me so angry!! 
  (reply to this comment) from spring
  Wednesday, June 05, 2002 - 11:26
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  The Mene story is truly horrible - definitely the worst story I've ever heard about "Life With Grandpa" by far. I thank God that I never had it that bad - but I knew some that did and I feel sick whenever I think about it. 
  
  But on to my question: Who is Ricky? I am not trying to make light of anything that he said - I would just like to know who he is and how he knows what he knows. The article is written from a "Davidito" point of view (some of the time), and other times it sounds like maybe somebody else. Anybody know?
  (reply to this comment) From fact: 
  Wednesday, June 05, 2002, 13:50
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Ricky is Davidito.(reply to this comment)    from justadude
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002 - 21:35
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  damn that is just horrible for anyone to have to endure. To think of the strength it must take to put all that behind u i mean if it was me my god i would be in prison right now for murdering all of them.Just the thought of that abuse makes me sick to my stomach and so damn angry. That is just fucked up and my only wish is that Berg could have died sooner to put a stop to that abuse although i am sure that it still goes on in some places at least most of it stopped at his death. thank god.
  (reply to this comment) from DrBugaloo
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002 - 17:41
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I noticed the other day in a meeting at work, all of us were seated in a circle. But I concentrated this time, instead of "daydreaming". I almost expected my boss to begin the meeting with a "word of prayer" that I am so accustomed to. But more interestingly I note that some people were "in to" the meeting and some were "out of it" and spacing. Its a bit of a parallel with the family, is work. Dedicated or not, your in it; you're in the family. Perhaps it goes even deeper. You see, everyone is in thier own little family really. Jules has started her own little family on moving on. Its particular nature and beliefs, blah blah, are irrelevant. And most of you have your own little conceits. I believe that our beliefs are not important its our "fruit", or what we are, not what we stand for, that epitamises "us". Therefore, none of you, on moving on, have suceeded in leaving "the family". You just found a new one to belong to. And this time you will happily throw all your energies into this new "family". I'm not blaming anyone, but this is my observation. I guess its human nature. And we cannot outrightly defy that, we can only fight it. 
  
  
  "Caring and Sharing DrBugaloo" 
  
  (reply to this comment) From justadude
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002, 21:28
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  i don't think that u could call this a family of sorts. I have found this site very interesting as i thought that i had it bad in the family and that it would be hard to "move on" but in reading some of the stories and experiences of people here i have found that i in reality was quite lucky and that has helped me to move on and put the family behind me, in the past where it should stay for all of us. I don't believe this is anything similar to the family in any sense to me this is a site where you can talk with other people similar to u and share your views not only on the family but on many other subjects and since we all have had many similar experiences it is easier to relate to your kind and to understand what other people like u are going through. To me it has been a help and talking about issues that have bothered people since leaving does not make them joining another family of sorts i see it as helping them leave the family for good.(reply to this comment)    From albatross
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002, 18:15
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  DrBugaloo, 
  If you can compare contributing to this website, to living, breathing,working,and everything else that came with "family life", you have quite an imagination. I contribute to many websites...(one of which is movingon),on many subjects. You may be one of those who believes that unless you have forgotten the past, you are still in the past. I happen to believe that the smart person can use the lessons and mistakes of the past to guide his/her future. It also helps him/her understand who they are and where they stand. There is also some theraputic value in exploring past pains, so long as that is not one's primary activity. 
  I submit that what we see of the others on this site is a very limited and very subject specific. In my opinion we would be foolish to conclude that someone who contributes and takes part in any particular site, has " thrown all their energies" into it. 
  As for anyone's fruits.....we can only guess...and I for one am in no position to judge. I spent too long in the " judge and be judged business. 
  
  
  (reply to this comment)    from sarafina
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002 - 16:51
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Wow! That was quite alot to take in. It brings back alot of painful memories for me as I was one of those who "benefited" from the mene experince. I was in the first victor program at the H.C. in Japan. Where I witnessed and experienced the torture first hand. I also recieved one of those "public" spankings along with two other girls. We were brought in front of about 20 to 30 people and asked to pull down our pants and bend over while they paddled us. As I recall I ended up getting it the worst as I wouldn't pull down my pants and told them if they wanted my pants down they would have to hold me down and force me. Since we were in front of so many people they opted just spank me with them on. However since I was soooo mad and angry no matter how hard the spanked me I wouldn't cry, this pissed them off so much that they spanked me harder telling me to just brake and cry and it would all be over but I looked at them and said" You'll never make me cry" They we're so freaked out I think that I would be so defiant they didn't know what to do. So they locked me in a room and starved me for over a week giving me nothing to eat but some soup after about 10 days I was so weak and tired of fighting them and so hungry. (At this point all I did was stare out of the window all day while they had someone reading me" MO letter" 8hrs a day. they never left me alone they took shifts reading to me.) I finally decided to get smart and learn to "play" their sicking game. So I found some old night gown that I had(as I usuaally dressed "worldly") and put it on. took down my hair and brushed it straight wrote the OHR of the century. Usuing everything I learned from the "letters" and Bible knowing exactly what they wanted to hear and stood in front of the window with my best "heavenly" look I could muster. Our shepherd came runnig up stairs saying" I looked up and thought I saw an Angel standing in the window" "Satan has left..look how you just glow with Gods light" blah blah blah...and so I became an actress. After that all day they would make me listen to "MO letters" with head phones while doing JJT to ensure I remained free of doubts and didn't let the devil back in my thoughts but I would just put ear plugs in before putting them on and you never see them. 
  I know another big thing was we weren't aloud to wear bras and I refused to take mine off again I told them they'd have to hold be down and force it off me..they started to walk up to me like they were going to and I just looked at them with a look from hell and they backed up and decided to have me spend another week of prayer and fasting w/ no out door activities. (This was before the spanking one) So goes on the life there if you weren't being beaten you were being starved..what ever it took to break you. 
  One last thing I remember was when I asked to leave. The family always said you were free to leave any time you want..just ask. Well thats a bunch of crap. I asked many times..I begged to leave they said I was possessed and that it wasn't me talking but that the devil had taken over my thoughts..blah blah blah. and they locked me in my room till I saw it their way. 
  It didn't stop there I can't even begin to mention the things we went through as you got further from leadership, every Victor Program was different and every shepherd had they're own idea's and forms of punishment or exorcism. In Rome they shaved my 13yr old brothers head bald because he had good hair and was good looking and they said he was to proud and needed to be tought humiliation. They duct taped his mouth shut tell he "learned to speak as a orical of God" only letting him take the tape off at meals. I'll never forget him comming to me and me trying to take the tape off he had sores all over his mouth and it hurt him so bad trying to tear it off. I cry everytime I remember, it was horrifying. I would tell him to be strong and that one day I would run away and come back with help. I promiced him one day I'd get him out. And I did. They did alot more too..but it would take many more post to tell it all but like Ricky said when they posted what happened to Mene it opened the door for all the perverts to get away with anything by just claiming they we're getting rid of the Devil in us.
  (reply to this comment) From celestej
  Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 23:31
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I am so sad reading your story, just heart-broken.  I'm bawling my eyes out right now, seriously I need to stop I'm getting tears all over my computer.  This really is one of the saddest stories I've ever read about the family.  I think that was the worst part of being in the family, worse than suffering abuse was having to watch our siblings and friends suffer and feeling powerless to stop it.  I do want to say that you're incredibly brave and I admire you for having the courage to stand up to the leadership.  And I really hope you and your brother are both doing well.  Or at least OK.(reply to this comment)    From Heather
  Wednesday, June 05, 2002, 21:56
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Sarah, I'm so sorry about it all! This has nothing to do with the family but I remember when I was 13 and Jer was 11 and dad shaved his head to humiliate him because he was too proud and also as a punishment for getting in trouble at school. I was so pissed, I cried for days. (reply to this comment)    From Kathy Johnson
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002, 20:02
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Oh my God, you poor thing. I can't tell you how much my heart goes out to you knowing what these horrible people did to you. I am so sorry. I wish I could make it not have happened. If you were here I'd give you the hug to end all hugs. Much love, Kathy(reply to this comment)    from afflick
  Tuesday, June 04, 2002 - 15:20
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Hello! Does it get any more demented than this? I have to tell you, the one overwhelming emotion I felt while reading this article (nausea is not an emotion) was glee. Damn, I am happy to be out of there! To all those still bookin' it to sharpen their Endtime Word weapons and be Heaven's Girls and Boys, I say have at it! It's all you!
  (reply to this comment) From AnonymousGotOut
  Thursday, June 06, 2002, 00:40
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I just finished reading this and I dont know what to say, I'm in a state of shock, I've been out a little while now, but the years of Victor training and endless charades, such as shepherds taking us to the door and telling us that if we had any doubt in our minds about them being God's voice to us, and the letters, that we better walk out that door cuz god wont let us get away with it for long, one day we'll be tormented by demons like Mene if we thought thoughts like that, I'd stay in bed scared of what would happen to me, I desperately wanted to be the best Family Member and was so scared of not, years of Victor programs and isolations, I strongly believed I couldn't live without the Family and would go crazy without it. When I ended up out, I had no intention of leaving, I ended up moving out of the home, but staying on their TRF while they waited for a new 4th member, I went to visit my relatives while waiting to find another home, and that visit went on and on, I couldn't admit I had left, I was waiting to get into a home and loved the Fam and believed god's prophet with all my heart, I got into college and still couldnt say I had left, even though it sounds stupid, I just had this fear built up that I couldn't shake. I finally, 2 years later could come to grips with admitting I had left and wouldn't become insane for doing so, but I still would never believe the 'enemy's lies' spewing from evil, embittered backsliders. Even out of the Family, I was scared to read anything negative about the Family because of what I might become. I desperately shut every lie of the enemy out, getting publicly paddled for 6 demerits or when the shepherd 'felt your attitude wasn't right' is nothing compared to the effects of the conditioning we were given as Victors and DTs, 'Determined Teens', that still haunt most of us years later, no matter how successful we become. Then there are the feelings of guilt that you did nothing to stop stuff; 6 months ago, i found out that my half-sister was made to give our step-father oral-sex at age 10, she lost her virginity to him a couple years later, I was in the room and saw little things, but was so desensitized to it, I never f the images are still there no matter how many times I tried to rebuke the devil who was making me question the Lord's leadership. Unfortunately, from 11 onwards, my sister pretty much slept with anyone and everyone she could, trying to block it out. She, like me, was fiercely loyal & dedicated to the Family, she tried to keep a sample home, but when the other 3 members left her home without notice, she,now a single mom with 6 kids 6 years apart, is told to find a home or become TS. She wasnt able to make rent payments and feed her kids in that house, nearly got put onto the street, except that a friend offered to help her with the rent. Well, dear VSs dont like non-family in the house and were 'got from the Lord' that she must have broken the sharing rules, so she is out, dedicated to the Family, no help at all, 6 kids from trying to be a dedicated "go for the gold"er, and thrown out. Even if she could've gotten back in, where would she find a home? That was 2 years ago, she still believes strongly in the Family. I live my life, go to class, party, have successfully managed to block stuff out of my mind so I can go on in life and not live in the past, and I have done better than alot. But it never goes away for good, does it? The inevitable times that it all comes rushing back, such as when I read an article like this, academically I do well and have created the person that fits in, one as detached as possible from the past. Yet I can't escape what I am, have been made into by years of conditioning, I subconsciously end up making decisions to go back, though I know I dont want to. I have dated a number of girls here at college, but as intimate as we become, we are never the same, I keep trying to find creative ways to explain my past, seem like everybody else, we're so used to living a lie, 'decievers yet true', that we can't trust anybody, we become close, but it always is a guarded closeness, as if some slip will destroy us. We can't reject it, because we still are 'peculiar people' to the rest of society just below the surface -- why was being a peculiar people such a good thing before? There comes the point where we want to be ourselves, we want to stop worrying about accidentally using expressions' that noone else understands, just being able to see ourselves like before, it's that feeling that brought me where I am now. As it stands, I have found myself involved with a family girl and the current plan is to move into her home when I graduate -- I will have 2 degrees quite soon, and no debt -- I am very fortunate in some respects. Just like I didnt decide to leave, I have not decided to return, the decsions seem to make themselves, I have left it, but it wont leave me, that group has made a large part of who I am and I try to downplay it, but it seems the only option. I dont know if I described anything others here have felt, if so I'd be interested in knowing how you all here have been addressing it.(reply to this comment)    From C
  Thursday, June 20, 2002, 20:59
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  I am here to say that you can shake the Family. You do finally come to a point when it no longer effects you. It takes time, but it does happen. 
  
  I experienced all the same physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. I left when I was 17, no education, nothing to my name. Now twelve years later, I have a career, a son and a life, which is in no way effected by my past. 
  
  It doesn’t haunt me anymore. It doesn’t control my thoughts. I don’t dream about it any longer. I don’t have to watch what I say to avoid the strange phrases we were taught as children. I can honestly say I am happy. I don’t fear never finding a husband who will understand me. I have been in love. I have been loved. I have friends who would lie down in traffic for me, whom were never in the Family. Some know about my childhood. They accept my stories and give me support and understanding. 
  
  I have hopes and dreams for my life, some which have been fulfilled. I look forward to the future with a sense of hope. I have reconciled my struggles with my faith in God. I have been able to severe the evil doctrines that I was taught as a child from my faith in God. I pray. I attend church on holidays. I feel blessed. 
  
  Yes, I cry at times. Yes, I’ve known heart break. I’m a single parent to a little son. I struggle with my bills, although I’m a licensed attorney at a good firm. I’ve been dumped by men I loved. I’ve also returned a diamond engagement ring to a man in law school who I couldn’t honestly marry because I didn’t love him like I should the man I will marry. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve also been blessed to have wonderful people in my life that make me laugh and smile and feel glad to be alive. 
  
  That’s not to say I haven’t felt desperate or hopeless. But, it passes. I feel awkward talking about my faith because it is personal, but I have felt as though I was being carried at the lowest times in my life. I’ve also had wonderful times as well. 
  
  My life is for all respects what I would consider normal. I may not have had the little white house with the picket fence lifestyle growing, but that has not precluded me from having it in the future. And on really good days, when I do ordinary things like go to the office, have lunch with a friend, come home and pick up my little one from his nanny’s house and fall asleep on the sofa watching tv, I can honestly say that I think I have that lifestyle. 
  
  So, don’t give up. Don’t give in and go back to what hurt us as children because swim to shore seems so long. It’s there! That tropical island we all seek. It’s there. It’s not always a paradise, but it sure beats the destitute castaway life we grew up knowing. And after time passes, lots of time, you do forget the struggle to shore! But, even if you don’t forget the struggle, it doesn’t hurt anymore. And that is a wonderful thing…not to hurt anymore! 
  (reply to this comment)    From Alf
  Monday, June 10, 2002, 15:42
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Fuck the family man. Why re-join when u can see it clearly for what it is? (reply to this comment)    From Jules
  Sunday, June 09, 2002, 22:24
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  The Family will always be part of our identity. It is our hometown, where we grew up. We have nothing to be ashamed of in that. I think it's like being born in a country like China, for example. Your options are NOT only: 1. Endorse your government, and accept and defend the human rights abuses, or 2. Denounce your citizenship and consider your country dead to you. 
  
  The Family's culture is part of who we are, but that's our upbringing only. We can choose to leave, choose to make a new life for ourselves, choose to do what we can to support others who also starting over. I don't believe we have to renounce who we are, or suppress that part of our identity. But that doesn't mean we have to endorse the corruption and hypocrisy that was part of the government of our native "country". 
  
  Immigrants all over the world maintain their community and identity, while at the same time choosing to build a new life in a place where they have opportunity and safety. 
  
  The attitude of "This is where life is taking me, so I should go with it" is what created the whole mess in the first place. A lot of our parents flipped out on acid or some other drug, got messed up and met the Family, had an intense emotional experience, and spent the next 30 years sticking to that. My mom married my dad because she saw a card on the street that said "To the Bride and Groom" when she was thinking about him. There is a paper on this by Steve Kent called "Misattribution and Social Control". I think we need to take responsibility for our own lives and take control of our decisions. If you want to rejoin, then rejoin, but don't say "it just happened". 
  
  My 2 cents for what they are worth (probably about 2 cents) :-) 
  
  Jules(reply to this comment)    From porceleindoll
  Friday, June 07, 2002, 09:50
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  The group is like the Hotel California, you can leave but you can never get it out of you. It will always be a part of you and your thinking. But one thing that has helped me is just to let it come out of my system, to allow myself to be mad and angry, to refuse to feel condemned for leaving and turning my back on it, to analyze and think things through, to discuss them with others who have had the same experience of leaving. A good thing is you're not alone in your past, there is some support from others who have gone through it as well. 
  
  But seriously, anger therapy as I like to call it, seems to really help though you feel like shit for awhile, but don't bottle up and ignore what you feel and are facing, take each thing as it comes and allow yourself to be upset and angry, then as time goes on, you are able to sort it out and put your life into a certain perspective. Time really does help a lot. But you just have to let yourself go through the negative emotions so that you can understand what they are and where they are coming from, if that makes any sense.(reply to this comment)    From Christiank41
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 01:26
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  I have a girlfriend who just confessed to me that she was in the family. she is not letting me know alot apparently it was a big deal to tell me. Though I have done some reading here and elswhere and I would like to take her away from this. Is there anyway to get information on his false prophesy? Or who he really was? Or what he really did? Any help you could give would be great thank you so much. 

  Chris(reply to this comment) 

    From Wolf
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 08:03
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  If you’ve got some time on your hands you can read Justice Ward’s assessment of the cult: 
  
  http://www.exfamily.org/art/misc/justward_master.shtml 
  
  It is, IMO, the fairest and most complete document ever written about David Berg and the Family. Some parts are specific to the court case and can be skipped.(reply to this comment)    From Christiank41
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 20:12
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Thank you so much. I was not expecting such prompt responses. I truly am grateful to all of you. And my heart goes out to all of you. If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to. My email is christiank41@hotmail.com.(reply to this comment)    From justagirl
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 07:19
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  If your girlfriend is a second generation ex Family member, then it must have been extremely difficult to tell you about her past and the best thing you can do is to treat her as you always have. When I had recently left the cult, I opened up about my past to a friend and I felt like I was viewed as “damaged goods” as a result. Because of this, I’ve never told anyone since. I am an adjusted person now and very happy with the place I am at in my life, but I feel like I have this “skeleton” in my closet and that I am forced to evade questions like “where are you from?” and “where did you go to high school?” etc. It’s something very difficult to live with, so please treat her like you always have and like it’s no big deal. 
  
  About your question, you can find out a lot about Berg, Zerby, Kelly and other cult leaders on this site. Others on this site probably know more about where else you could look on the web. But you can get the perspective of second generation members here. 
  

  (reply to this comment) 

    From JohnnieWalker
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 10:27
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  I've told a number of people that I was raised in a cult and have found that if I tell people about my past like it was no big deal they tend to be impressed (almost curious) rather than put off. All of my co-workers and bosses know about my past. Some of them even watched the interview with Jules on Dateline. I feel more relaxed talking about the way I was raised now because I don't have anything to hide anymore. 

  It's not something that I tell people right off the bat--just when the subject comes into the conversation naturally. 

  I'm not saying this will work for everyone but if nothing else it's one more thing that has helped me in dealing with my past.(reply to this comment) 

    From Banshee
  Monday, July 26, 2004, 17:59
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  Not to take away from your point at all, which is a good one, but just in passing I was thinking that it seems that when people have posted stories of "positive" reactions to their telling about their past, it has centered more around work relations: bosses, co-workers, etc. But then the more "negative" reactions have seemed to come more from relationships/ significant others.... Maybe it's harder for someone to hear news like that from someone they are in a more personal relationship with because they worry about how it will affect the relationship. A boss or a co-worker will already know that you are a hard worker, honest, etc (or not :D) whereas a girl/boyfriend will not know how this could affect thier future with you. Just a thought. (reply to this comment)    From moon beam
  Tuesday, July 27, 2004, 06:50
  (Agree/Disagree?)
  

  Very good point and one I struggled with especially when younger and I found that it depended on the partner/ boyfriend/ girlfriend and usually it was that they were teased or goaded by less then mature mates and maybe they'd feel embarrassed (I'd put it down to maturity and self-confidence).One of my biggest fears was that once a person knew enough about me they may try and use the situation and start controlling/playing mind games etc..and unfortunately more often then not those type of people can smell their victim a mile away and can be pretty good actors. 

  But starting out by being more open in everyday life with friends and workmates sets a pattern and the majority of people do end up dating or marring someone linked to their social circle or their workplace. It makes a huge difference if your with someone who has experienced life a little bit and who may have gone through a simular experience and can relate to the feelings we have, to appreciate what we go thru. Just a few thoughts.